每月一译

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暨南大学 “‘每月一译’ 翻译之星” 2017年5月点评

关于格式,现在绝大多数同学基本可以按要求做,但仍有例外, 如每段开头不加段落符号([1] [2] [3]……) 标题不用 16号字黑体,不用Times New Roman , 尽管有的翻译不错,也只能将其视为废稿,取消其资格。

    同时,在此次比赛中还发现有格式、语法的问题,如字体不统一,大小写错误、乱用,标点字体非英文字体,连字符与破折号混淆,单词结尾与后面的标点之间没有空格等,还有将one漏写成on“a international”“ on body with two wings”In January 28th, 2016等,甚至日期前没有介词等等,显然是疏于粗心。在此,再次要求:翻译完之后,一定要检查,如鲁迅所说,“至少看两遍”,而不可马上递交。

就标题珠海校区与珠海政府而言,有的同学漏掉没有翻译,自然被视为废稿;有的将其译成 The friendly cooperation between Jinan University Zhuhai campus and Zhuhai government,显然有些画蛇添足,尤其作为标题,应简明扼要,如Zhuhai Campus and Zhuhai Municipal Government即可;对此,以后在新闻翻译课上还会讲到。

[4]中,对于改革有的译成 revolutiontransformchangerenovate 等,但更准确的应该是 reform类似的,如 根本出路在于改革开放The fundamental way out lies in reform and openness);在伟大的改革开放于1979年开始之前,中国完全是另一个世界China was really another world before the great reform and opening which began in 1979)等。更名许多人用了 changed namechanged its name to… 等,其实 renamed 即可。将共建广东省高水平大学译成 to build a university with high level for Guangdongconcerted development of a first-level higher education institution of Guangdongjoint development of an advanced higher education institution in Guangdong 等,显然都有些欠缺、不准确之处。同时,鉴于之前所签订的协议,故这里需补充某些信息,如following previous agreements,”接下来的,不妨译为 Jinan University signed a new agreement with the Zhuhai municipal government on the strategy of joint development of an advanced Higher Education Institution in Guangdong Province.

[5]中,“社会影响”可以是 social impactsocial influence social effect / affect 等则显然不妥。“闪亮的名片”,许多人根据表面意思译得很“实”,如 become a shinning business carda shining iconrepresentative and twinkling name cards 等;而“暨南大学珠海校区办学水平和社会影响不断提升”应该作为状语处理,即理解为前面省略了“随着(暨南大学……)”,故对此不妨译为 …, with the advance of its education and social influence, the Zhuhai Campus has been transformed into a “shining star” of Jinan University.

[6]中,“展望未来,有译成 Looking aheadIn the futureLooking to the futureLgook forward to the future 等,但根据有关词典解释,look ahead (to sth.)的解释为 “to think about what is going to happen in the future展望未来;为将来设想”,故此处译为 Looking ahead to the future 似更恰当。一体两翼是一种比喻,翻译时当然仍可采用比喻,如“one body, two wings”、“one body with two wings”,但要注意恰当, "one main body with two subsidiaries", 就有点不伦不类了。对于“着力打造品牌与资源一体化、体制与机制创新化、学科结构差异化的异地大校区发展模式,为建设具有一流办学水平的……”,有的译成 in order to put efforts on building the development model of allopatric big campus, including the integration of brand and resource, the innovation of system and mechanism, and the differentiation of disciplinary structure, so that to establish……句子结构大致不错,但 allopatric 一词显然是刻意“挖”出来的生僻词,其原义为 of biological speciation or species taking place or existing in areas that are geographically separated from one another (生物学种或物种形成在各区发生的),显然有些牵强附会。其实,核心内容为by integrating its brand making with resource exploration, reforming its systems and redefining its academic disciplines, so as to form a grand campus model consisting of several branches in different locations同时,需将其前后的语序结构加以调整。

对于“立德树人”,有的译成 To high moral values and to cultivate persons / essential mission of moral values establishment and people cultivation / morality establishment and student cultivation / training morality and cultivating people 等,都过于 Chinglish, 以至有点儿道德绑架的感觉; 还有音译成Li de shu ren,且没有任何解释,让英文读者不知所云;有的还漏译了。实则,应在指明这是校训(motto)的基础上,将其内容译为that is to combine the motto of nurturing virtuous talents with the requirements to serve the country 以求明确。

总之,汉译英有其特殊性,不能以中文思路套用,而要不断在词语、句子结构、表达和思维方式上追求译入语的地道性。

 

(林巍老师点评)

 

 

参考译文 (林巍):

 

 

     Zhuhai Campus and Zhuhai Municipal Government

                              II

 

[4] On 1st April 2009, as part of the University’s own reform, its Zhuhai College was renamed Zhuhai Campus of Jinan University. On 28th January 2016, following previous agreements, Jinan University signed a new agreement with the Zhuhai municipal government on the strategy of joint development of an advanced Higher Education Institution in Guangdong Province.

 

[5] Currently, with the advance of its education and social influence, the Zhuhai Campus has been transformed into a “shining star” of Jinan University.

 

[6] Looking ahead to the future, as part of the development strategy of “One Body with Two Wings”, the Zhuhai Campus will make arduous efforts to develop an international, world-class and innovation-orientated modern campus with its own unique characteristics, that is to combine the motto of nurturing virtuous talents with the requirements to serve the country, the province and the municipal’s strategic initiative by integrating its brand making with resource exploration, reforming its systems and redefining its academic disciplines, so as to form a grand campus model consisting of several branches in different locations.

 

 

 

 

 
 
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