每月一译

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暨南大学 “‘每月一译’ 翻译之星” 2020年10月点评

           林   

 

 

【原文】

  

 

[1] 从垃圾站下班之后,老刀回家洗了个澡,换了衣服。

[2] 白色衬衫和褐色裤子,这是他唯一套体面衣服,衬衫袖口磨了边,他把袖子卷到胳膊肘。

[3] 老刀四十八岁,没结婚,已经过了注意外表的年龄,又没人照顾起居,这一套衣服留着穿了很多年,每次穿一天,回家就脱了叠上。他在垃圾站上班,没必要穿得体面,偶尔参加谁家小孩的婚礼,才拿出来穿在身上。

[4] 这一次他不想脏兮兮地见陌生人。他在垃圾站连续工作了五小时,很担心身上会有味道。

  

    

【点评】

    

本篇选自郝景芳的中篇作品《北京折叠》,小说既植根现实,又富于想象,笔法灵活、生动。题目是后加的。

[1]  “垃圾站可用 waste processing stationgarbage station 等;下班after the end of his shiftafter work; “回家洗了个澡换了衣服不必译成 …had gone home, first to shower and then to change… went back home to take a shower and then to change clothes…took a bath at home and changed his clothes…took a shower and then dressed himself in another clothes ,  went home, showered and changed 即可。整句不妨译为:After work, from the garbage station Old Dao went home, showered and changed.

[2] 体面衣服应理解为所谓的 decent suit而语序既可顺译亦可调整 He put on the only decent clothes he owned — the white shirt and brown pants, rolling the sleeves up to his elbows for the sleeves of the shirt were frayedThe only decent set of clothes he had was a white shirt and a pair of brown trousers. He rolled up the scuffed sleeves to his elbowsWhite shirt together with brown trousers is the only decent suit he has. Owing to the wear and tear of the cuff, he tucked his sleeves to the elbow等,但平铺直叙,不妨译为:His white shirt and brown trousers were his only “decent suit”. He rolled the sleeves up to his elbow, for the sleeve cuffs were frayed.

[3] 老刀四十八岁没结婚已经过了注意外表的年龄似可译成 Lao Dao was forty–eight, single, and long past the age when he still took care of his appearanceOld Dao, an unmarried 48 somethings, is beyond the age to pay attention to appearanceMr. Dao was 48 years old and single, so he was no longer cared about his appearance and he lived alone等;其中没结婚single 并不完全划等号,且词序也可调整,如 At the age of forty-eight, unmarried, Old Dao has passed the age of caring about his appearance使其更符合英文表达习惯。没必要穿得体面,字面意思是 it doesn’t require him to wear decent cloth, 但此处用动词 dress 会更加简洁。没人照顾起居,一般可译成 With no one taking care of his daily lifeAs he had no one to pester him about the domestic detailsFor there is no one to take care of his daily life 等,但实际可简化为 Unattended by anyone…; 偶尔参加谁家小孩的婚礼若译成 save a wedding now and then for a friend’s son or daughterexcept some weddings now and then of a friend’s childrenIt was only when occasionally attending the wedding of some friends’ kid he took the set of clothes out and wore 等,不免冗赘而欠妥,如谁家的不一定是 a friend’s…等。整体而言,语序可作调整,故此段不妨译为:At the age of forty-eight, unmarried, Old Dao has passed the age of caring about his appearance.  Also, working in a garbage station doesn’t call for him to dress decently either. Unattended by anyone, he has kept his “suit” scrupulously for many years, wearing it only rarely, on occasions such as weddings of someone’s kids. Every time, after taking off his “formal clothes”, he folds them carefully.

[4] 对于这种句子不可按原词序进行翻译因那样不仅难以通顺且意思会走样 This time he didn’t want to see strangers dirty. He worked at the garbage station for five hours in a row, so he was worried about the smellToday, however, he minded meeting strangers with discourteous image. After the five-hour work at the garbage disposal station, he was anxious about being smellyBut this time, he didn’t want to meet strangers dirty, and he was afraid to smell disgustingly for having been working at the garbage station for 5 hours等,而应在理解全句的基础上,将词序打乱,重新组合,故此句不妨译为Today, having worked for five hours in a garbage station, he was worried about his body smell and he didn’t want to be seen dirty in front of strangers.

从而,以求在语意上的吻合,而不是字面和词序上的。 

 

【参考译文】

Old Dao

 

[1] After work, from the garbage station Old Dao went home, showered and changed.

 

[2] His white shirt and brown trousers were his only “decent suit”. He rolled the sleeves up to his elbow, for the sleeve cuffs were frayed.

 

[3] At the age of forty-eight, unmarried, Old Dao has passed the age of caring about his appearance.  Also, working in a garbage station doesn’t call for him to dress decently either. Unattended by anyone, he has kept his “suit” scrupulously for many years, wearing it only rarely, on occasions such as weddings of someone’s kids. Every time, after taking off his “formal clothes”, he folds them carefully.

 

[4] Today, having worked for five hours in a garbage station, he was worried about his body smell and he didn’t want to be seen dirty in front of strangers.