林 巍
【原文】
其他侧面
[1]一地同志关于这些地方的描写，由于时代和注意点的不同，使我看到了那些地方的许多其他的侧面，也扩大了我的知识。
[2] 我应该说一地同志这本回忆童年和旅游的散文集子，不但是青少年最好的读物，大人们也应当拿来看看。
[3] 因为这是一本写情真挚、写景鲜明；流畅、健康、引人向上的散文作品。
【点评】
选文摘自著名冰心为王一地的散文集写的一篇书介，寥寥数语，言简意赅。
关于题目“其他侧面”，有的译成 Some Other Reflections，更多的是 Other Side(s), 但 side 本义是 either of the two halves of a surface, an object or an area that is divided by an imaginary central line 即由想象的中线分出的一边、一侧，而从本文看又不只如此；aspect 则为 the parts of its character or nature，同时注意用复数；当然，features 也有其道理。故可译为 Other Aspects。
对于[1]，许多参赛译文雷同，如 Owing to the different times and perspective, Yidi’s description of these places has brought their other aspects to my attention and broadened my knowledge. / Owing to the different times and perspectives, Yidi's description of those places has brought their other aspects to my attention and broaden my knowledge. / Owing to the difference of the epoch and the limelight, Yidi’s description of those place made me know many other aspects and expanded my knowledge. / Owing to the different ages and perspectives, Yidi's description of those places has helped me to find other aspects of them and broadened my knowledge. 等，显然有“复制”他人（包括网上的）译文（也包括其中的语法错误）之嫌，今后应予杜绝。
分析起来，“注意点”是什么？就是作者因关注而所写的东西，所以其实只有时间的不同，故 the profiles captured by … in different times 即可；“扩大知识”，可用 broaden / expand / expand knowledge, 同时转换相应的时态。故该句不妨译为：The profiles captured by Mr. Yi Di in different times, enabled me to see many other aspects of these places and expand my knowledge.
[2] 中，“我应该说”，若译成 I should say that、I must say that 等，但语气欠佳，不如 It’s fair to say that…、I would recommend that 等;“散文集子”，一般译成了pose collection、prose corpus等，但essay 也是散文，且更具纪实性（an analytic or interpretive literary composition），在此为宜。“回忆童年和旅游的散文集子”，有的特意强调为 which has written the reminiscence of his childhood and the past traveling experiences, 似乎有些太复杂了；其中“旅游”，有的译成voyage, 但该词多用于航海，即 an act of traveling by water，却又不是一般意义上的tourism, 而是颇具游记（travel notes）的意味。“大人们也应当拿来看看”，不宜按字面意思译成 adults should also take it over and read, 而应释译为…worth reading by adults as well，或简略为 should also be read by adults。
对于[3]中的 “因为这是一本……的散文作品”, 许多人单译一句，如 Written in fluent words, it is really positive and inspiring with sincere feelings and lucid descriptions. / Because this book contains sincere feelings and vivid scenery description. It’s indeed a collection of readable, beneficial and inspiring prose works. / It is worthwhile to read this book, because this is a smooth, healthy and inspiring book with sincere love and vivid scenery. / It is an essay that expresses emotion sincerely and describes scenery vividly, with fluent, positive and inspiring contents 等。其实，该句紧密衔接上文，可用介词等连接，与上段合成一体，如少数参赛译文：I must say that Yidi’s collection of essays recalling his childhood and past travel experiences is not only the best choice for teenagers but also worth reading for adults as well, as it is a healthy and inspiring prose work that is fluent in language, sincere in emotions and vivid in scenery descriptions. 实属难得。
“最好的读物” 可译成 the best reading、a best choice、first class reading 等；“……写情真挚、写景鲜明；流畅、健康、引人向上的……”，其中有的译成 sincere in feeling and lucid in description，其实sincerity 就是一种feeling, 而lucid 是形容词，不如改为 lucid description 或 lucid writing 等；有的… is a book with sincere feelings, a vivid picture, fluency, nutrition and uplift… 则是更好的表述；同时，若用从句，如…prose works that are sincere,… 会使译文更加紧凑。
因而，[2] [3] 可合译成 It is fair to say that this collection of essays, composed of the recollections of his childhood and travel notes, is not only first class reading for teenagers, but should also be read by adults, since they present the reader with prose works that are sincere, vivid, fluent, healthy and uplifting.
可见，翻译中的分解与整合是个时时值得留意的问题。
【参考译文】
Other Aspects
[1] The profiles captured by Mr. Yi Di in different times, enabled me to see many other aspects of these places and expand my knowledge.
[2] It is fair to say that this collection of essays, composed of the recollections of his childhood and travel notes, is not only first class reading for teenagers, but should also be read by adults, since they present the reader with prose works that are sincere, vivid, fluent, healthy and uplifting.
