林 巍
【原文】
我住处的景色
[1] 我现在居住的地方，风景并不坏。
[2]从扶疏绿柳中望过去，可以看见旭日下黄浦江闪射的金色光辉，水上常有船驶过，白帆映着荡漾水光，有如银浦流云。
[3] 打开窗子，可以听见风送来浩渤宏壮江涛激石的声响。
[4] 宇宙是静谧的，但跳跃着永久生命的脉搏，唱颂着永久生命的歌声。
[5] 不过在我烦闷的时候，这些景色，都成了灰暗的一片，所给我的只有一种漠然的感觉。
【点评】
该文选自苏雪林的散文《烦闷的时候》，寥寥数笔，朴素无华，寓情于景，别有味道。
就题目”我住处的景色”而言，一般译成 The View of Where I Live、The View of My Dwelling、The View Around My Dwelling、Looking Around Where I Live、The View of My Place，但通读全篇，会发现此处讲的是周围的景色，故不妨译为 The Scenery Surrounding My Place。
[1] 中，“风景并不坏”，大都译成 the view around my place is not bad、 doesn't look bad、it’s not too bad，但作者这里更多是欣赏的口气，用“正说”更好，同时在place 后应加介词 where: The place where I live now has fairly good scenery.
[2] 一般译成，Through the luxuriant but well-spaced green willows, the golden glow can be seen flickering on the Huangpu River bathed in the rising sun, where glittering white-sail ships sail as if clouds float on the silver water. / The Huangpu River, hiding behind the curtain-like green willows, sparkled in the morning sun. Sloops are often seen to trickle on the water, with whose white sails reflecting the rippling light of the water, which reminds me of the drifting silver clouds in the Milky Way./ From the luxuriant but well-spaced willows, the rising sun brings the Huangpu River of Shanghai shining golden rays. There are often ships passing by on the river, whose white sails reflect the rippling water like the flowing clouds of the Milky. / 应当说，都大体可以接受。具体而言，“扶疏”是一种文雅的表述，可用the luxuriant and well-spaced；“有船驶过”，似可用 boats glide, 但 boats regularly travel更确切；同时，“金色光辉”和“荡漾水光”有重叠之处，如可用glittering概述。该句不妨译为：Looking through the luxuriant and well-spaced willows, I can see the golden glow from the Huangpu River under the rising sun, through which boats regularly travel with their white bulging sails glittering like silver clouds.
[3] 的译文，大都译成When I open the window, the wind brings the great and solid sound of waves lapping on the rocks./ Open the window, you will hear the wind carrying the roar of surging waves beating rocks. / The laps of the waves brought by wind can be heard from the windows now and then.等，有可取亦有可斟酌之处，如open, 宜用动名词；“浩渤宏壮江涛激石的声响” 是一种渲染，如闻其声，不妨用the powerful sound of the torrential rain thrashing the stones等，故考虑译为Opening the window, I can hear the powerful sound of the torrential rain thrashing the stones.
[4] 中，重点而言，“跳跃…… 脉搏”, pulse rate / blood beat 等; “永久生命的” 要结合前面的“宇宙”，可译为 the eternal pulse of the universe，因而整句可考虑译为：Being tranquil, the eternal pulse of the universe is also beating and singing its everlasting song of life.
对于[5]， 比较典型的译文, 如 However, when I am bored or anxious, these scenes will become dim and blank, which only gives a sense of indifference. / However, when I sank into irritancy, these sceneries all became gloomy, only giving me a feeling of detachment. / Yet all these views appear grey and gloomy to me when I’m unhappy, producing only a feeling of indifference等等。其实，“灰暗的一片”，未必都是 dim、blank、gloomy，而可用动词 pale, 其义为 to become paler than usual，如
The blue of the sky paled to a light grey（天空的蓝色渐变成了浅灰色），其中还有心情的成分；“一种漠然的感觉”，许多人用了 indifference，多用于对人的冷漠，如What she said is a matter of complete indifference to me （她的话对于我来说完全无关紧要），He treated others with indifference （他对他人的事情漠不关心）等； 而apathy 则这种感觉更强烈，如Apathy is the long-standing curse of democracy （冷漠是民主的长期祸根），They told me about isolation and public apathy（他们向我讲述了孤立感与公众的冷漠）等。因而，该段不妨译为：And yet, when I am bored all this scenery pales, leaving me with only a feeling of apathy.
总之，还需根据具体语境，注重不同词语之间的细微差别，从而能更贴切地转述原文。
【参考译文】
The Scenery Surrounding My Place
[1] The place where I live now has fairly good scenery.
[2] Looking through the luxuriant and well-spaced willows, I can see the golden glow from the Huangpu River under the rising sun, through which boats regularly travel with their white bulging sails glittering like silver clouds.
[3] Opening the window, I can hear the powerful sound of the torrential rain thrashing the stones.
[4] Being tranquil, the eternal pulse of the universe is also beating and singing its everlasting song of life.
[5] And yet, when I am bored all this scenery pales, leaving me with only a feeling of apathy.
