林 巍
【原文】
旧梦重温
[1] 意大利是我最喜欢的一个欧洲国家。
[2] 罗马是建在七山之上的城市，拥有大小500座教堂，我几乎都去过了。最大的是圣彼得。
[3] 梵蒂冈就是在圣彼得教堂附近，是罗马教皇的宫殿，这是一个“国中之国”！我进去看了，只记得门警是瑞士兵士，穿着黄色制服，别的没有印象了。
[4] 佛罗伦萨给我留下的，除了美术馆里的雕像和壁画之外，还有一座座府第墙壁上的灯座，每座灯下都有一只栓马的铁环，是聚会或宴会时栓马用的，十分别致！
【点评】
该文节选自《冰心全集第八卷》中的《旧梦重温》。著名作家冰心不但以儿童文学著称，而且散文写得清新隽永、寓意深邃、构思灵巧、行文流畅、独具魅力，弥漫着温馨的情调。
就题目而言，有的译成 The Revision of an Old Dream / Renew Good Old Days / Taking a Trip down Memory Lane / 等，显然用词有明显问题，如 revision 是“修订”, 并无“重温”之意，而renew 的本义是 re-establish on a new, usually improved, basis or make new or like new, 即更多的是指使更新、复兴、重申等，而与此相关的词应是 retrospection、reminisce、revisiting、reliving 等, 如 Revisiting My Dream。
[1] 中，似可按原文词序译成 Italy is an European country that I love most, 但实则可简化、变通为 … one of my favorite European countries，其中的country不是单数, 而许多人没有注意到。
[2] 中，一般译成 The capital of it, Roman, is a city build on seven hills with 500 churches, big and small, almost all of which I have been to and among which the largest one is St. Peter’s. / Located on seven hills, Roman has 500 churches, most of which I’ve been to, and the largest one is St. Peter’s Church. / In possession of five hundred churches in different sizes, Roman is a city stretching between seven mountains. I have been to almost all those churches, among which the St Peter’s Cathedral was the biggest.等，大致不错；当然，对于这几句的词序，译文可作不同的调整，如 Built on seven mountains, Roman is a city with … churches, big and small, … I visited them all, almost. The largest is St. Peter. 但考虑到前面讲的是国家，此处特意提出其首都，更宜用 Rome 作主语，如 Rome, in particular, is a city … , 而 “最大的是圣彼得” 用with…作为状语出现；故不妨译为：Rome, in particular, is a city built on seven mountains with 500 churches of various sizes (with St. Peter’s being the biggest). I have visited almost all of them.
[3] 中，“梵蒂冈在圣彼得教堂附近”可以按原文语序译成 The Vatican is in the vicinity of St. Peter church，亦可将“在圣彼得教堂附近”作为“梵蒂冈”的定语后置，如 The Vatican, adjacent to St. Peter’s, is…，以使句子更为紧凑；“国中之国”是一种通俗的说法，似可用 country within a country、state within a state 等，但分析起来，state、country 的本义为 the territory occupied by one of the constituent administrative districts of a nation，而梵蒂冈并非典型意义上的“国家”，比如它没有军队，故更宜用 kingdom inside the kingdom。“我进去看了，只记得门警是瑞士兵士，穿着黄色制服，别的没有印象了”，可按原文词、语序译成 I went there to have a look. All I remember now is that the guards at the entrance were Swiss soldiers in yellow uniforms. 但也可将其变通，如 I once visited this “kingdom inside the kingdom”, but nothing else impressed me except… 等。故此段不妨译为：The Vatican, adjacent to St. Peter’s, is the palace of the Pope. I once visited this “kingdom inside the kingdom”, but nothing else impressed me except the Swiss soldiers in yellow uniforms acting as the guards.。
[4] 中，“除了……之外”，可用 apart from …、in addition to … 等，而 “栓马的铁环” 似乎是 an iron ring, 但实际考察，便会发现，是 an iron horsehead to hitch horses to; “十分别致” 若单译一句，会显冗赘，如 What remains of Florence in my memory is, apart from the sculptures and murals in the art galleries, the lamps on the walls of the mansions, with an iron ring under each of them, for tying horses at parties and banquets. It was just unique. 对此，若稍加语序变通，会使句子更加通顺、简约、流畅。
总之，冰心散文的笔法轻盈、灵活，译文也要随之有所变化。
参考译文
Revisiting My Dream
[1] Italy is one of my favorite European countries.
[2] Rome, in particular, is a city built on seven mountains with 500 churches of various sizes (with St. Peter’s being the biggest). I have visited almost all of them.
[3] The Vatican, adjacent to St. Peter’s, is the palace of the Pope. I once visited this “kingdom inside the kingdom”, but nothing else impressed me except the Swiss soldiers in yellow uniforms acting as the guards.
[4] In addition to the statues and frescoes in the gallery, Florence left me with the impression of lamp holders on the walls of the buildings, each with an iron horsehead to hitch horses to under each lamp, which was very nice and chic for a party or banquet.