林 巍
【原文】
海边所想……
[1] 不一会儿，沙径便不见了，树木渐渐稀疏，天地间惟有沙漫漫，天茫茫。
[2] 风把来自大海的材料搬移、塑造，在此地将沙丘的表层铸成高峻的岭嶂，在彼处则将沙丘铺展成起伏的波浪。
[3] 接着，在离沙滩约半英里处，我见到一群鸥鸟在水畔栖息，它们迎着风，静默无声，神情专注。一只白色羽毛的鸟从沙丘飘下，落在近旁的沙地上，鸥群中竟然没有一只鸟向它发难。此情此景，令我产生自己被撇在一旁的感觉，我才想起，禽鸟与大海的往来已有千百万年，而人类却是昨日才来。
【点评】
就题目而言，有的译成 Contemplating by the ocean / Thoughts at the seaside.../ My thoughts by the sea/By the Sea… / Thinking by the Seaside... / Random thoughts at the seaside 等，此处虽看似是一种随想，但作者由此及彼，想到千百年来自然界与人类的关系，故还是有些深度的，不妨用 contemplate，其本义to spend time considering a possible future action, or to consider one particular thing for a long time in a serious and quiet way，因而可译为Contemplating on the Beach……
对于[1]，一般译成 A few moments later, the sandy path disappeared. Trees fell gradually thinned and scattered, with the space between endless sky and ground saturated with powdered sand. / Not a long time, the trace of sand disappears from my sight, and trees turn out to be sparse gradually. In the world, only sand in the air and sky above are spreading out. / The trail on the sand was wiped away in a moment. Within sight, trees were gradually becoming fewer and further between and nothing has left on the horizon but boundless sand against the vast sky等。其中，“不一会儿”可有多重译法，如in a little while、in a moment、before long 等；“树木”似乎是trees、arbor、wood 等，根据文中情况，不妨选择bush, 其义为 a low woody perennial plant usually having several major branches；而“天地间”、“沙漫漫”、“天茫茫”是一种文学性的渲染，在字面上可有些变通，如“天地间”可不必译成between heaven and earth, 而可与后面的“天茫茫”合译为 in a vast landscape of sky. 因而，该段不妨译为After a little while, the “sand path” disappeared, bushes gradually became sparse, leaving boundless sands in a vast landscape of sky.
[2] 中，比较典型的译文，如：The wind moves and sculpts the sand, a marine material, by piling dunes into towering peaks here and stretching dunes into tossing waves there. / Here, sand, something originating from the sea, is moved by the blowing wind to construct some amazing scenes. Those from the surface layer of dunes is either blown upwards, heaped high to be great sand hills or spread all around, forming waves.二者的繁简程度形成对比；而 After a while, the sand path disappeared, the trees became sparse, and there was only sand and boundless sky between heaven and earth 则离原文意思相去甚远；The wind transported and modified the treasures from the ocean. It structured the surface of sands here into high hills while constructed the sands there to rolling waves. 其中下划线部分显然欠妥。概括而言，“搬移”可用move、flit、remove、“塑造” 有mold、shape、formation等，当然此处要作相应调整；“在彼处”，是指被风吹走材料后留下的空间，故不妨用 leave a place…; “铺展” 可用 spread out、sprawl等，但“铺展成”可变通为spread into。故此，可考虑译为：The wind has moved and molded this material from the sea to form high peaks on the surface of the dune, leaving a place where the dunes spread into undulating waves.
[3] 中，“在水畔栖息”是对“一群鸥鸟”的形容，在原文是状语+宾语，译文中不妨用动名词 perching, 以更简练；“迎着风，静默无声，神情专注”，其词序在译文里可作调整，特别是“神情专注”，不必死板地译成 looked focused、look to focus on…, 而使整个句子更加通顺、自然。“从沙丘飘下”是指从沙丘顶上而落，故应是floated down from the dune top；“发难”，这里似不是一般意义上的launch an attack、be the first to start revolt等，而是不友善的举动，故不妨为be hostile、show hostility；此处的“它”，固然可以译成it、the bird，但更生动的词可为alien（异类）。“此情此景”似可译成 Facing / Confronting the scene, 但考虑到这时作者处于一种遐想的境界，故可用 Contemplating the scene, 而“被撇在一旁的感觉”若译成feel as if I had been left to the side，则显啰嗦，不如 felt excluded, 该词原义为 prevent from being included or considered or accepted，简练而生动。“人类却是昨日才来”，这里的“却”露出一种顿然感悟的语气，若译成it was only yesterday that man had come则显平淡，而且强调的是“昨天”，其实不妨增词处理，即加上newcomers、seem to等，以使原文意思更加明确。综合而言，整段不妨译为：Then, about half a mile away from the beach, I saw a gull flock, perching on the shore against the wind, attentively, in silence. A white-feathered bird floated down from the dune top to the sand nearby. Strangely, none in the gull flock showed hostility towards the alien. Contemplating the scene, I felt excluded. It reminded me that these birds have been in contact with the sea for millions of years, and we humans, newcomers, seem to have arrived only yesterday.
总之，翻译中既要注重词语的细微涵义，又要照顾总体上的平衡。
【参考译文】
Contemplating on the Beach……
[1] After a little while, the “sand path” disappeared, bushes gradually became sparse, leaving boundless sands in a vast landscape of sky.
[2] The wind has moved and molded this material from the sea to form high peaks on the surface of the dune, leaving a place where the dunes spread into undulating waves.
[3] Then, about half a mile away from the beach, I saw a gull flock, perching on the shore against the wind, attentively, in silence. A white-feathered bird floated down from the dune top to the sand nearby. Strangely, none in the gull flock showed hostility towards the alien. Contemplating the scene, I felt excluded. It reminded me that these birds have been in contact with the sea for millions of years, and we humans, newcomers, seem to have arrived only yesterday.