林巍
【原文】
白洋淀农舍的屋顶
[1] 白洋淀曾有“北国江南”的说法，但村舍的形制自具特色，与江南截然不同。
[2] 南方多雨，屋顶是坡顶；
[3] 这里的村舍则不同，屋顶是晒粮食的地方。
[4]而且历史上每逢水大洪泛，村民就得把屋里的东西搬到屋顶上。
[5] 房屋彼此挨得很近，有些屋顶几乎相连。
【点评】
该段节选自冯骥才的散文《白洋淀之忧》，文字上难免有些跳跃和突兀，在翻译时需作某些必要的补充。
对于[1]，一般译成Baiyang Lake region was known as Jiangnan (the southland) in northern China. Nevertheless, the pattern of cottages here embodies unique characteristics which are completely different from those of Jiangnan. / Once hailed as the “Jiangnan in the north”, Baiyangdian boasts cottages with distinctive shape and structure, which are dramatically different from that in Southern China. / Baiyang Lake used to be known as “the southern kind of north”, but the shape and structure of the cottages have their own features, quite different from those in Jiangnan. / There was once a saying that Baiyang Lake was “the Gangnam in north”. However, with cottages of distinctive shape, Baiyang Lake is completely different from Gangnam.等，分析起来，“北国江南” 不宜简单地译成 the southern kind of north，而可变通为the Yangtze River Delta in the North, 更显其褒义色彩；“曾有……的说法”，可译成 be called…、 was said…、be referred to as …、be known as…、go by the name of…、under the title of 等，“但村舍的形制自具特色”有转折之意，即虽然有某种说法，但实际是不同的；若句式通顺，不一定用but, 如可在 once …, actually … 中体现出来。“自具特色”，很容易联想到 its own characteristics、features, 但还可更加简约。“与江南截然不同”，显然宜用从句which is quite different from… 。故此，该段不妨译为：Bai Yangdian, once called “ the Yangtze River Delta in the North”, actually has a cottage shape of its own, which is quite different from that of the Delta.
[2]中，“南方多雨”，似可译成In the rainy southern region / In the south wet area / It’s often rainy in the south / In the South, there are plenty of rains等，但整合句子，还可简练为 In the rainy South；“屋顶是坡顶” 容易译成 the roof is sloped / have sloping roofs / the roofs are sloping /with the sloping roofs等，但其实是“南方人”将屋顶造成坡顶，故应增加主语 people（build slop roof），因不完整，还应补充其目的，如 to ease the water。整句似可译为：In the rainy South, people build sloped roofs to ease the water flow.
[3] 中，“这里的村舍则不同”若译成 cottages here are different, 似乎符合原文，但没有译出实质，即与前文的South 相对比，这里指的是North, 且不宜重复 cottages, 故可为 Here in the North。此处的“屋顶”，若只译成 the roof of the cottage, 显然没有译出其特指 — 北方的平屋顶，即 the flat roof （of the cottage）; “晒粮食”，不是bake foods / their roofs are used for drying grain / to allow grain to dry / there is served to dry grain, 而是指在阳光下吹、晾干谷物，故为 the grains are aired in the sun。因而，该句不妨译为：Here in the North, the flat roof of the cottage is often the place where the grains are aired in the sun.
[4] 中，“历史上”可以是 Historically、In history; “每逢水大洪泛” ，似可译成 the overflowing、inundate、with the water rolling in，但此处不妨精炼为 flooded；“屋里的东西”，字面意思是stuff in the house，亦可概括为 things 即可：In history, whenever it flooded, villagers had to move things to the roof.
对于[5]，较为典型的译文，如：These cottages are so close to each other, and some roofs are almost connected. /The spacing between the houses are so small that some roofs are almost joined together. / Besides, houses being crowded together, some of the roofs are almost joint./As a result, these houses are built quite close to each other with some roofs almost adjoining.等等，似乎都可接受；然而，分析起来，“房屋彼此挨得很近”应与前文有所衔接，即因为这种平顶房有这样的用处，所以房屋才盖成这样，故宜增加 For this reason、Concerning this、In that regard 等；（屋顶）“相连”，似可用are connected, 但推敲起来，contiguous的其本义为very close or connected in space or time，故更确切。综合考虑，该段不妨译为：In that regard, the houses are built so closely to one another, that some of their roofs are almost contiguous.
总之，该选文有许多通俗说法，看似简单，翻译时需格外注意其微妙之处。
【参考译文】
The Roof of the Cottage in Bai Yangdian
[1] Bai Yangdian, once called “ the Yangtze River Delta in the North”, actually has a cottage shape of its own, which is quite different from that of the Delta.
[2] In the rainy South, people build sloped roofs to ease the water flow.
[3] Here in the North, the flat roof of the cottage is often the place where the grains are aired in the sun.
[4] In history, whenever it flooded, villagers had to move things to the roof.
[5] In that regard, the houses are built so closely to one another, that some of their roofs are almost contiguous.